PREPARING FOR "I DO"

By Robin M. May
www.virtuespeaks.com

Have you ever asked yourself the question? You know the one I'm talking about. The one that is loaded with expectation, hope, fear, and anxiety. Almost all adults have wrestled with the question: "Is he or she the one?". Deciding to marry someone and prayerfully spend the rest of your life with that person is obviously overwhelming and as the wedding vows state, 'should not be taken lightly'.

But unfortunately so many people have taken it lightly. The divorce rate in this country is astounding. Whether you believe that half of marriages end in divorce, or even if you believe that statistic is exaggerated, all of us must admit that there is a crisis going on within the institution of marriage, even within what we call Christian relationships.

So what do we do? We would be wise to apply an often over-used but truthful quote: 'The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again but expect a difference result.' Think about your own life. How often have you declared that something was about to change in your life, yet you did absolutely nothing other than talk about it?

Maybe you declared that you would lose 10 pounds in one month but you never changed your eating or never even considered the gym. Maybe you committed to more quiet time with God but never set the alarm to wake up earlier. Simply verbalizing a desire for change is not enough. Action must follow.

How does that apply to the status of relationships/marriage? Well, again, we must do something different if we want different results. There are practical and easily applicable steps that can be taken to prepare for marriage. Obviously our first step is to be prayerful and seek the wisdom of God when moving towards marriage. In addition, it is important that we:

• Prepare ourselves for marriage - Before we can look for a life partner we must first ensure that we are mature, whole and ready for the responsibility of marriage. Have you established an intimate walk with God? Have you dealt with pain from past relationships? Remember, the romantic notion of "I need you to complete me" is only romantic in the movies.

• Don't be afraid to ask questions - Choosing a life partner on emotion only is a recipe for disaster. Be intentional about learning everything you can about your potential spouse. If your goal is to become 'one', there should be no question off limits. Be careful however because certain questions are only acceptable based on the level of intimacy. If you just met, don't ask deep, personal questions. Wait until the relationship has evolved and ask your questions accordingly.

• Seek premarital counseling - It is amazing how many people walk down the aisle without having had any form of counseling. Unfortunately, we often seek training in all other areas of life other than how to build a healthy relationship. Even the Bible tells us that we should listen to counsel in order to have wisdom (Proverbs 19:20). Seeking the trusted support of a trained professional will help you prepare for one of the most important life altering decisions of you life.

Many people have lost hope in marriage. Is that you? Have lost faith in the likelihood that you will ever get married? What if you have wasted several years with someone that isn't right for you? All of these are very valid questions with a very valid answer.

The answer is: Surrender to His will. Seriously. Just surrender. God isn't sitting somewhere thinking "Oh my God! I just don't know how I am going to find [insert your name here] a spouse!". Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Of course it does. If God has ordained that you will be married, you will be. If that isn't in the plan for your life, ask Him what is.

But whatever you do, don't operate in your own desperation. It's much better to be single and without a spouse than to be married and miserable.
Marriage can be one of the most rewarding, exciting, fun, and exhilarating events to happen in your life. Yes, there are challenges. Yes, there are times when you can't help but think your spouse is from another planet. But the good times can be so good that during the valley times you simply hold on tight until you get back on top of the mountain.

So if you decide to move towards a marital relationship, move toward it with hope and high expectations...I mean clearly marriage was God's idea, and He does all things well (Mark 7:37).